your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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