I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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