cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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