I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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