tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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