it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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