then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
