john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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