Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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