i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
