I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
