drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
