we're blogging at a bar
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
