i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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