I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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