I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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