here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
