White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
