so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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