Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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