I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize