One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
