I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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