a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
