I wish I could punch you in the face.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
