Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
