i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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