worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
