my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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