I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
