i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
