I am midnight drunk by noon
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize