Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My vagina just clenched in fear
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
