Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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