dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
