I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
