the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
