My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
