dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
