you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
