party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you inspire me to be a worse person
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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