my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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