Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
