Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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