I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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