He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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