Where did you get a picture of my penis
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
