She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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