my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Blood and glitter go together right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
