why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
