Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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