is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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