Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
