Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
