A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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