i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
