After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
