You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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