Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
