I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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