when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
