Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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