oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
