Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
