he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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