I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
