I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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