He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
