it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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