Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
