i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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