Me. At least after what I've been through.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
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You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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