I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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