The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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