When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
