I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
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We tried having a conversation with our noses.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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