bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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