I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
