I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
