dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I miss vodka workout Fridays
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
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Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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